Remembering the good times on a sad anniversary

Marking the first anniversary of a sad day

Ralph, center, served as chairman of the Ansonia Cultural Commission. 

Here he's posing with the city's Event Coordinator and commission member Rich DiCarlo, at left, and Mayor David S. Cassetti at the city's Christmas tree lighting ceremony in 2015.

Anniversaries usually are occasions to celebrate, but not always. 

Today is Dec. 2, and it’s a bittersweet one for me. It’s the first anniversary of my husband Ralph’s passing.

It’s a sad time, of course, but I have 36 years of memories that are happy - and that makes me feel like I can describe it as bittersweet.

It’s hard to believe a year has gone by since that morning when a close friend and I found Ralph in bed, no longer breathing. She performed CPR on him to no avail as I frantically called 9-1-1. The memory of that morning is forever seared into my brain.

I wish to thank my family, friends, and members of the community who have given me support through this difficult year. I am truly appreciative of all the kindnesses I’ve received. 

And I want to give a special mention to John Zaleski at Wakelee Memorial Funeral Home in Ansonia, who made the entire process as painless as it could be under the circumstances. 

Ralph had quite the dry sense of humor. It was so dry that after all the years together he even fooled me at times.

An example is a quick blog post he penned in April, 2020 (see photo above). 

He wrote: “Grabbing some sun in the COVID era. Was I supposed to wear a mask when on my driveway???”

I'm glad I have many family photos to remind me of the good times as I attempt to go through 'stuff' on his desk, his computer, in his closet, and more. 

I've learned to never take life for granted. It all can change in the blink of an eye.

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Ralph

Today would have been Ralph's 70th birthday. 

I miss him every day but grateful to have wonderful memories to sustain me.

Here he is with his grandfather, Ralph I, and father, Ralph II, in his grandparents' home in Steubenville, Ohio. 

He wrote on Facebook that this was the last time the three of them were together.

Sharing fond memories of 2020 event during COVID to benefit Seymour Pink

 

Wishing my husband a Happy Birthday in Heaven

*I'm sharing this post from last year. Today marks Ralph's third birthday in Heaven.

 ~

Yesterday my computer popped up a reminder that I didn’t need, telling me that today is my late husband’s birthday,

I celebrated his birthday with him for 35 years ~ and this April 26 is the second year I'm wishing him Happy Birthday in Heaven. The years really do fly by.

Ralph posted this not-too-flattering majority card photo taken on his 18th birthday more than once to mark his special day. 

I much prefer this one:

💕

The holidays can be challenging after losing a loved one, but life goes on

Last weekend marked two years since my dear husband Ralph passed. It's hard to believe how quickly those years went by.   

The date he died is a palindrome: 12-2-21. A good friend of ours joked that Ralph, who was a detail-oriented guy, did that on purpose!

The weekend timing of his passing was perfect - being a part of several Christmas season events helped me get into the spirit.  

I attended the Ansonia Christmas tree lighting Friday at Veterans Park. 

The program run by the Ansonia Cultural Commission is a nostalgic one for me. Ralph served as commission chairman for several years, and was an integral part of  organizing it.

Although the weather didn't cooperate there was a great turnout. Despite the drizzle Santa was able to get there to hear all the childrens' Christmas wishes. My blog post about the festivities can be read here.

On Saturday actor Patrick Spaddicino brought his adaptation of "A Christmas Carol" to Derby Public Library. He portrayed 25 characters from Charles Dickens' Christmas classic in a wonderful performance directed by Library Director Scott R. Brill. His one-man show was awe-inspiring.

Next up I had a great time shopping with a friend at the Holiday Marketplace in the Ansonia Armory, which gave me another reason to get into the season.

And on Sunday I truly felt the holiday spirit at the church I attend, First United Methodist Church of Ansonia. It was our second annual Christmas Sing-A-Long and churches from the community were invited. Friends and I sang classic carols and enjoyed musical interludes from a violinist, flutist, and guitarist.

I hope to attend more local events this Yuletide season. 

Ralph would want me to do just that. 

Sharing a fall foliage memory from 2017 in Derby

A beautiful autumn photo taken by our friend, Linda Milardo. I cannot believe we published it six years ago!

Sharing FB memory: 'Turnback Tuesday' from this date in 2018

Turnback Tuesday is checking out the Sanford family rambling structure home, built in 1836 on the corner of 4th and Caroline Streets in Derby. 

This photo was taken circa 1962. Note the great cars parked in front. 

The white car on the left is a 1958 Mercury, in the center is a 1953 Buick and on the right is an early 1960s Dodge or Plymouth.

Thanks goes to the Derby Public Library staff for always sharing interesting local history!

*In an effort to keep my beloved husband Ralph's memory alive, I'm sharing his comment on this post:  

"As a six-decade long fan of old Detroit iron, next to the house is a 1959 Mercury Monterey, in front left is a 1955 Buick Special (3 portholes in front fender) and a 1962 Dodge Dart. Love these cars! Great photo!"

Not trying to correct the years on the original post but simply keeping Ralph on my blog and Facebook pages!

Wishing my husband a Happy Birthday in Heaven

Yesterday my computer popped up a reminder that I didn’t need, telling me that today is my late husband’s birthday,

I celebrated his birthday with him for 35 years ~ and this April 26 is the second year I'm wishing him Happy Birthday in Heaven. The years really do fly by.

Ralph posted this not-too-flattering majority card photo taken on his 18th birthday more than once to mark his special day. 

I much prefer this one:

💕

Marking the first anniversary of a sad day

Ralph, center, served as chairman of the Ansonia Cultural Commission. 

Here he's posing with the city's Event Coordinator and commission member Rich DiCarlo, at left, and Mayor David S. Cassetti at the city's Christmas tree lighting ceremony in 2015.

Anniversaries usually are occasions to celebrate, but not always. 

Today is Dec. 2, and it’s a bittersweet one for me. It’s the first anniversary of my husband Ralph’s passing.

It’s a sad time, of course, but I have 36 years of memories that are happy - and that makes me feel like I can describe it as bittersweet.

It’s hard to believe a year has gone by since that morning when a close friend and I found Ralph in bed, no longer breathing. She performed CPR on him to no avail as I frantically called 9-1-1. The memory of that morning is forever seared into my brain.

I wish to thank my family, friends, and members of the community who have given me support through this difficult year. I am truly appreciative of all the kindnesses I’ve received. 

And I want to give a special mention to John Zaleski at Wakelee Memorial Funeral Home in Ansonia, who made the entire process as painless as it could be under the circumstances. 

Ralph had quite the dry sense of humor. It was so dry that after all the years together he even fooled me at times.

An example is a quick blog post he penned in April, 2020 (see photo above). 

He wrote: “Grabbing some sun in the COVID era. Was I supposed to wear a mask when on my driveway???”

I'm glad I have many family photos to remind me of the good times as I attempt to go through 'stuff' on his desk, his computer, in his closet, and more. 

I've learned to never take life for granted. It all can change in the blink of an eye.

Recuperation journey: Solace

Recently a friend gave me a wonderful book filled with inspirational stories and quotes to help anyone going through the grieving process. The book features one positive affirmation a day for a year.

Regular readers will recall that my dear husband Ralph passed away in December.

I was moved by what I read on Saturday's page about the role of familiar objects.

Instead of getting upset and sad looking at his possessions - clothing, books, photographs, magazines, and more - the affirmation urged me to take comfort in the familiar objects in the house. 

That's a new way of looking at my surroundings and one I'm going to try to achieve.

Remembering Ralph with a smile

“I sport a mustache.”

That was what a guy who received my name from a dating service said on the phone when he was describing himself as we planned to meet.

I was intrigued. 

It was 1985, even though the way he spoke made me feel like I was living in 1885!

Little did I know after that initial phone conversation that that guy on the phone would become my beloved husband, Ralph. 

The restaurant where we met in Milford, Ct. is long gone, but my memory of that January 30 meeting lives forever.

I arrived there first. Ralph was clearly upset that I had to wait for him for about three minutes. 

We got a table. He had a beer, I had a glass of wine. 

We talked about all kinds of things and as was always the case throughout our marriage, Ralph did most of the talking! 

I was struck by how family-oriented he was. He told me about his family. He was the second oldest of seven kids, five sisters and one brother. 

We were almost the same age. I had just turned 30, and his 30th birthday was three months away. 

Today is the 37th anniversary of our meeting! We were best friends almost from the start. It truly was meant to be. 

Ralph passed away at home on December 2 but today I can smile through my tears as I think about that day in 1985 and how his love changed my life for the better - forever.

Wishing a Happy, Happy Birthday to RIV, my BFF!

 Proud Dad with Baby #1

Proud Dad with Baby #2

I thought I'd share two nostalgic pix of husband Ralph with our kids. 
He's the family photo archivist but I'm doing my best today! 💕   

Newsletter features thoughts on effects of social media

Dear readers,

In our latest Valley Voice newsletter my husband Ralph offers his take on the current climate on social media. 
Check it out!

Thanks for reading,

Patti

Recuperation journey: Getting out

Ralph and I enjoyed going out to dinner Saturday at Copper City Bar and Grill on Main Street in Ansonia. We always like the food there.
'Twas a nice break for us, but I suppose it was a lonely couple of hours for our cat. 
Or am I projecting that? Maybe he just slept while we were gone.

Recuperation journey: Fingers crossed

I'm crossing my fingers that the hand controls that my husband Ralph is getting installed in his van today will make life behind the wheel much better for him. 
The controls he has been using are not as convenient for him as they once were.

The next step will be getting the van set up so he can drive from his brand new wheelchair. Unfortunately it's idling in our spare bedroom because adjustments need to be made for him to use it.

So, fingers and toes crossed today.

Recuperation journey: Going solar and a new ride for Ralph

Busy times here at the Villers' household.

On Monday Ralph's much needed, shiny new wheelchair arrived. 
We're all happy for him! It's going to take a bit of practice to get comfortable with it, but he'll get there.

And on Tuesday we went solar, almost six months to the day back in September when the solar panels were installed, free of charge.

I wasn't here to witness it but someone showed up and flipped a switch, or whatever he had to do. 
Going green and saving some green on our energy bill.

Recuperation journey: Happy, happy, joy, joy

My husband Ralph and I found out this morning his new wheelchair is arriving Monday, along with a technician who will finish assembling it, and make sure it fits Ralph or Ralph fits it. 

Not sure how that goes.


The new chair should make his life so much easier. I'm happy for him that it's almost here.

The antique wheelchair pictured probably isn't all that comfortable, but I do like the umbrella for the summer, or for rainy days.

And that desk would be perfect for Ralph's laptop. He could work as he goes! 



This is what he's getting. -->

Recuperation journey: Traveling banana

I've been immersed in a banana situation of late. Sound strange? This is my life. 

As regular readers must realize, my husband Ralph and I work from home, sitting at our respective computers a few feet apart. And since he has a physical disability I try to make things as easy as possible for him.

Each morning I put a banana next to his cereal bowl at the table. (Ralph is a cold cereal aficionado).
If he doesn't eat said banana, I put it next to his phone on his desk for a healthy snack.

If it is still there at the end of the day, I put it back by his place at the table. 
The banana usually starts out a bit green, but by the third or fourth day of this wackiness it starts to get some brown spots.

Sometimes he will snack on it, but it feels like more often than not I'm carrying it back and forth. 
Another glimpse into my oh-so interesting daily life.